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By Curt Simpson
Special to the Duplin Journal
KENANSVILLE — “I was born without a voice, one cold, overcast day in Brooklyn, New York. No one ever spoke of my condition. I did not know I was mute until years later, when I opened my mouth to ask for what I wanted and realized no one could hear me.”
So reads the first lines of Etaf Rum’s New York Times best-selling novel “A Woman is No Man.”
At the invitation of the Duplin County Library, Rum brought her newly found voice to the Ed Emory Auditorium at Duplin Commons in Kenansville on March 27 to address readers and discuss her writing and her desire to give voices to the voiceless.
Though her book is a work of fiction, it is “heavily influenced” by Rum’s life, she said. Much like her main character Deya, Rum is Palestinian and grew up sheltered as the eldest of nine children in a conservative Arab home in Brooklyn, NY. She attended an all girls Muslim school. As a child, she said she often wanted to do things that boys were doing, like participating in sports, having independence and going to college, however her grandmother forbade it, saying over and over: “A woman is no man.”
So instead of participating in life and making choices for herself, she found pleasure in reading books about the lives of others. After years of that, however, Rum said she grew to no longer accept that women had to be subservient to men just because that was the way that it had always been.
Rum dreamed of going to college and studying literature; however it was forbidden and at 19 years old, Rum’s parents arranged for her to be married to a man that she did not know, in the tradition that many Arab families practice. That marriage brought her from New York to Rocky Mount, NC, and her husband actually agreed that she could go to college. She attended NC State University and earned two bachelor’s degrees and a master’s degree, all while having two children and raising a family.
She said she was teaching at Nash Community College, had a beautiful family, drove a Mercedes, and it would seem she had it all. However, she said she felt unfulfilled and just couldn’t force her daughter into the same traditional roles that women in Arab families must play – that of homemaker, with no choice in the matter.
“So I was fulfilling the domestic duties that were expected of me as an Arab woman, and also pursuing the career that I fiercely wanted, which was to educate myself in literature. Maybe teach. I don’t know,” Rum said. “I just wanted to have something so I could protect myself like my mother never could protect herself.”
She eventually divorced her husband and sought therapy, where she was encouraged to start journaling. That’s when the writing bug really bit. She explained that even though she read a lot growing up, she never read the stories of Arab women like herself, and those in her family.
That journaling eventually turned into “A Woman is No Man,” a critically-acclaimed debut novel that became a bestseller after being selected as a recommendation by Jenna Bush Hager, of NBC’s “Today Show.” Rum said she was ecstatic to learn that her book was going to be a Jenna Reads selection in May 2019.
The selection led to book sales, television interviews and some fame; but the true benefit, Rum said, was that the stories of Arab women are now finally starting to be told.
Rum’s second novel “Evil Eye” was released in 2023, also to critical acclaim. Both of her books are listed as Editor’s Choice selections on Amazon.com, and have thousands of positive reviews on Goodreads.com.
Duplin County Library Director Laura Jones said she met Rum at a state library conference in 2023, and in talking, they realized that they knew people in common in the Kenansville area. Because Rum is a big supporter of public libraries, she both agreed to come speak, and she sold several deeply discounted copies of her book to the library so they could be circulated to Duplin County readers. Those books are available for library card holders to check out now.
Jones said that with the diversification that is coming to the population of Duplin County and Southeastern North Carolina, it’s important to have voices like Rum’s be heard.
Audience members came from well outside of Duplin County to hear Rum’s presentation, and many had praise and questions for the author – questions about her life, her novels and the process of writing.
Rum said that writing is a discipline, and when she’s writing, she dedicates at least four hours a day to it “whether I feel like it or not. You can’t just do it when you feel like it.”
She is currently working on her third novel, though she would not share any details on it. “It hasn’t cooked yet,” she said.
